Don't Color on the School!

The boys got home from school one day and before they were all the way inside the door I hear from Logan "You'll be getting a call from the principal."

"Great. NOW what?" I asked.

"Matthew colored on the school." States Logan.

"Aaannd" starts Orin "He won't listen to Safety Patrol."

When I questioned the trio further, I learned that Matthew found a crayon on the playground, picked it up and decided it would be a good color for the school's wall.

In addition, he's been being a stinker to those in charge of waking the "walkers" to and from school.

I immediately called the school to let them know we'd be coming scrub the wall. They were appreciative and said there would be lesser consequences because we were handling things from home.

I was almost disappointed when I saw the damage. So much fuss over such a small amount of "art". If he was going to get himself in trouble, he could have made it worth his while. (At least he chose a school color.)

A little WD40 and some soapy water to scrub that off afterwards and voila! No more blue brick.

As for the attitude adjustment - the threat of having to hold hands with an older brother on the way to and from school was enough to deal with that.

Jesus and the Strangling of Cats

It was suppertime. I was making PB&J sandwiches in the kitchen. Mark and the boys were all seated at the table, already eating. Normal conversation was happening.

Out of nowhere Matthew popped out this question.

"If Jesus was still alive would we have to strangle our cat?"

(uh...)

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at Matthew quizzically.
Matthew was asked to repeat his question.

"If Jesus was still alive now and he hadn't been killed, would we all have to strangle our cats?"

I was giggling so hard I couldn't turn around. What an interesting confusion of words.

I'm not sure who brought it to light - Mark or myself - but one of us said "Do you perhaps mean sacrifice?"

"Oooh... Yeah." says Matthew.

We all got a good laugh out of that one.

I got busy with other things and didn't think about it again until now, but I need to talk to Matthew and make sure he doesn't think people were strangling their animals way back when. Good to know he's thinking though!

Matthew's Homemade Megaphone

A bit of background before I go into this story...

One evening I was on the phone with my beloved hubby on his way home from work. He was in a less than wonderful mood. Something annoyed him, he was somewhat rude, I was less than pleasant back and he hung up on me. I said "Jerk". And that was that. I didn't think much of Matthew standing there.

(Really this was no big deal. By the time Mark got home the entire thing was long forgotten.)

Fast forward a week or so...

Matthew and I were sitting watching Orin's basketball practice. I had taken along some books and other activities to keep Matthew occupied. Among them were papers to draw on. Creative Mr. Matthew rolled up some of these papers into a tube-like form and began using them as a megaphone type of thing. This started out cute. He was saying things like "I saw Dad kiss Mom" and "I saw Mom hug Dad". He wasn't being too loud and actually seemed to be entertaining the other parents so I let it go.

Suddenly, I hear a huge booming voice beside me bellow out "Mom called Dad a JERK!" (emphasis on the word 'Jerk' of course.)

Everyone in the Gymnasium had to have heard it. As the surrounding parents erupted into laughter, I turned to this giggling child to try to take his homemade megaphone from him but he'd already slipped away from me.

Once again I hear "Mom called Dad a Jerk!". This time much less of a bellow, much more of a 6 year old giggly voice. Still, I had to get him settled down. Who knew what he was going to say next?!

It's a good thing I have a good relationship with my hubby. That gym full of parents could have gotten an earfull!

A Slinky Portrait

Pesho Family Christmas Picture. Notice the boy in the right hand corner. Yeah, the one with the slinky sneakily poised over his eye as though it were a monocle of sorts. No one realized Matthew had possession of the slinky while the portrait was being taken. That's ok. There's one in every family. (At least one.)

Why It's The Girl's Fault

This evening, while getting the boys ready for bed I forgot Logan's name. I've gotten their names confused MANY times but never forgotten one. I completely drew a blank. They thought this was hilarious.

This led Logan to say something along the lines of "You've known me for over 11 years and you can't remember my name?!"

Logan is 10. Orin seemed confused by Logan's statement. Logan said "She carried me inside her for 9 weeks before I was born."

I said "That's 9 MONTHS, pal. Women have to lug their kids around inside them for almost a year so be glad you're not girls! You'll just have to listen to your wives complain about how it's all your fault."

Orin was offended. He said in a most serious way, "Hey. It's not the guy's fault. It's the girls who lay in bed naked waiting for the guys to get in."

How Old Do They Think I Am?

On the way to drop the boys off at the sitter this morning I was asked if there were brick roads when I was a kid. I said yeah, there were a few like the ones we drive on in Orrville.

One of the boys said (in a very serious, not-mischievous-at-all-kind-of-way) "OH! So there were paved roads when you were a kid!"

I said "Of course."

Another said "There was asphalt?"

"Of course. Just how old do you think I am?" I replied, not certain whether to be amused or insulted.

Curious, I asked what else they thought there wasn't when I was a kid. The few I remember are:

~ Color TV
~ Radio
~ PlayStation (Ok. Maybe not, but we had Atari.)
~ Hand held gaming systems (Hey! I remember when gameboy came out.)

I was waiting for one of them to say 'automobiles' but that one didn't come out.

Curiosity

Prior to our vacation this year I was asked some great questions...

Is there a kiddie pool in the ocean?

Are sharks afraid of children?

Will we be able to pet the dolphins when they swim over to us?

Matthew was certain a group of dolphins would swim past us while wading in the ocean. His plan was to grab a fin and ride one out into the sea. Weeeeeeeee!

The dolphins will protect us from the sharks, right?

Where will the rip tide take us if we're sucked in? (the thought was that rip tide = whirlpool)

Can we pee on people if they're stung by jellyfish? Can we pee on each other if we're stung? Can we pee on YOU if you're stung?

Matthew's Streak

Last night over supper all three boys got the giggles trying to tell us a story about Matthew and his underwear.

It was nearing time for me to arrive to pick up the boys. They got out of the pool to dry off and get dressed. After disrobing in the shower area Matthew discovered his underwear was missing. Thinking it may be at the bottom of the pool bag he returned to the poolside with only a towel wrapped around him to search. Finding the undies he shouted with glee "Yay! I found my underwear!". He then sprinted back towards the showers twirling the undies over his head yelling "My undies! My undies!" At some point during the fuss his towel had fallen below his tush. Did Matthew notice or even care? Of course not.

As Orin and Logan tell the story it was quite amusing to many people there.

Cans or Bottles?

Matthew: I can’t wait to drink beer in a can with my dad so I can shoot at the empty cans.

Logan: Matthew! You can’t drink from beer cans until you’re 21. You’re going to have to wait a LONG time.

Matthew: Oh. Well, that’s ok. I don’t mind drinking beer from bottles.

Three Types Of Lightning

New Wave Lightning
A great bolt of lightning shooting horizontally across the sky.



New Fashion Lightning
Lightning which illuminates the sky and/or clouds but no bolt is seen.



Old Fashioned Lightning
Impressive bolt(s) of lightning vertically lighting up the sky.

Eavesdropping

There is nothing better than listening to the boys talk to each other when they're not aware we're listening. Mark and I learned some interesting information this weekend eavesdropping on them in the back of the car.

Were you aware that we did the Japanese a huge favor dropping the atomic bombs on them during WW2? Prior to that they were living in the olden times - in black and white wearing triangle hats. Dropping those bombs on them and completely wiping out everything they had forced them to became technologically advanced. (Does that mean they ditched the triangle hats and became colorized?)

We were shortly thereafter asked when the 4th of July is. HA! Perhaps they don't know it all after all.

Dick.... and Jane?

The boys were playing in the back yard. Mark was watering some newly planted flowers and I was sitting, taking it all in – the lovely scenery, the quiet morning, and the boys playing peacefully. That’s when it happened.

Matthew walked past and said “I can spell dick.”

Surely I heard him wrong. He was obviously proud of himself for knowing how to spell whatever word it was he had in his head because he said it again – only louder this time.

“I know how to spell dick!”

Mark and I exchanged bewildered glances before pursuing the line of questioning.

Mark asked “Matthew, what did you say?”

“I know how to spell dick.”

"Spell what?"

"Dick"

Again we exchanged glances. How and why would he even know this word?

Trying to think the best, I turned to my hubby and said “We MUST be hearing him wrong.”

Meanwhile I look over to the corner of the yard because I hear Orin chime in with “What’s the big deal about dick?”

Logan was crouched down behind a brick wall they were building in their fort trying to silence his brother. He was whispering “No Orin! Be quiet! It’s this!” While pointing at his crotch. Orin caught on and his eyes got big.

I said to Matthew “What can you spell?”

He said “DICK! D. I. C. K. Why is dick a bad word?”

Mark began telling Matthew it’s not a nice word and we don’t say that, just as Matthew made mention of Jane.

Oh. My. Goodness.

Matthew reads Dick and Jane books to us all the time. Where were our minds????

I don’t think Matthew understands why we were shaken over his spelling that particular word and we’re not about to tell him, but now Orin has learned a yucky term.

All that fuss over something so innocent. Our minds are so polluted.

Tasting Borax

Last night I made a batch of laundry detergent. I had a mixture of washing soda and borax in a bowl on the counter along with pots of hot water on the stove and various other ingredients sitting around. To the untrained eye I'm sure it looked like I was cooking something great. In the 47 seconds it took me to run downstairs and grab a bucket to pour everything into, Logan happened by and thought he'd taste the powdery substance in the bowl.

I came back up and Logan innocently asked "What's in that bowl?"

"Borax and washing soda." I said. Then thought *oh crap!*

"YOU DIDN'T EAT IT, DID YOU?!"

"I just tasted it", he says. "I thought it was sugar."

I had him show me exactly how much. *Phew* Not enough to hurt anything. Barely enough to call a dusting touched to his lips.

So, to teach him a lesson I made him drink a huge glass of water followed by a huge glass of milk - to dilute the poison. Of course I told him it wasn't going to kill him, but we had to take this precaution...

When he looked ready to hurl I let him stop drinking and explained there are reasons I tell him not to taste whatever is on the counter. It's not just to be mean. Logan laughed and said I don't have to worry about that anymore. Not out of him anyway.

Focused on the Food

With a most dreadful look on his face, Logan told me he was sent to the principal’s office. My reaction, of course was “WHAT?! WHY?!” Logan never gets into trouble.

He began to tell me a story which made me laugh.

In line for lunch someone (we’ll call him kid #1) apparently said something I don’t care to repeat to another kid (we’ll call him kid #2). Both are friends of Logan’s. Logan was standing next to kid #1 and wasn’t paying any attention until kid #1 screamed the unspeakable something for the entire lunchroom to hear. There was some commotion and kids #1 and #2 were taken to the office.

Some time later Logan was called to the Principal’s office as a witness. Mr. Frank asked Logan what went down in the lunch line. Logan said as he slapped his belly, “Mr. Frank, I was hungry. I just wanted to feed my gut. I was so focused on the food I don’t know who said what.”

Mr. Frank chuckled and told Logan to return to his class.

Anyone who knows my son knows he wasn’t exaggerating. The boy loves his food. This time his love of food kept him from having to rat out a friend – even if it was deserved.

High Fruity Corn Syrup

We've been trying to cut back on our consumption of High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS). You can read why here.

One evening while Matthew was with his mother, Mark received a call from her. She said they had finished eating and gave each of the kids store-bought cookies. Matthew was seriously annoyed. He said he couldn't and wouldn't eat them. When they asked him why he said "because they have high fruity corn syrup in 'em and I'm not supposed to eat any of that stuff." They had no idea what he was talking about. When they asked him why not, he said "I don't know, you'll have to call my Daddy."

Apparently after reassurance from Daddy that it's ok to eat whatever food his Mom allows him to while he's with her, he did eat the cookie.

I'd like to think Matthew is figuring out which household has his best interest at heart, but perhaps it's more likely he was afraid he'd be in trouble if we found out he was eating high fruity corn syrup behind our back?

Feel The Love...

The boys - biggest one included - want a new vehicle with at least one built in DVD player. Those who know me well are chuckling already. Mark told them the only way that will happen is if they can find a way to ditch me, sneak out car shopping and purchase a vehicle all without me figuring out what's going on.

Logan had a simple solution. "Just dump her off at Carol's and tell her to go sew!"

Brotherly Love x3

The boys were horrified when I made them wait for me to take this picture. The neighbor boy was standing outside the door waiting for them. God forbid he ever find out they love each other!

They had been fighting over everything that morning. When it came time to leave for school of course they fought over who was going out the door first. I told them they weren't going anywhere until I both heard and saw love. I had to take a picture to prove it actually happened.

Brotherly Love

Matthew and Logan were at each other's throats this morning so they spent 15 minutes on the living room floor loving each other uninteruptedly. This is one of their favorite activities. :)

Our Belated Christmas

This year the Christmas schedule put Matthew at his mom's on Christmas morning until about 3:00 and the boys were to spend a couple hours at their dad's. Since we would be spending the afternoon/evening at Mark's parent's and wouldn't make it home in time to open gifts, Logan and Orin thought it would be a good idea to wait until the following morning to open our gifts. They didn't want to open anything without their little brother here.

Reward/Punishment Boxes

I've implemented something new in our household. We have two pretty little gift boxes sitting on top of the fridge. One is a reward box. The other is a punishment box. Inside the corresponding boxes are slips of paper with either punishments or rewards written on them. The boys and I sat down one evening and came up with them together. Some they thought up were rather creative.

Be the boss of the house for 30 minutes. (reward)

Eat a spoonful of horseradish (punishment)

Dust the entire house (punishment for anyone but Orin - he likes to dust)

Extra $1.00 for good behavior

Scrub the toilets

Invite over a friend

There were many others. Some rewards/punishments are greater/more drastic than others, but they never know what they'll pull out of the box. It's great for me - I just say "you'll get the box" when they're acting up and I don't have to think up a punishment on the spot. Seeing the reward box on top of the fridge gives them incentive for good behavior.